


This Is Not My Beautiful Wife

by tuggoffelees-is-canon (penny_a_word)



Category: Cats - Andrew Lloyd Webber, Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats - T. S. Eliot
Genre: F/F, F/M, Gen, Gender or Sex Swap, M/M, Multi, Please Don't Hate Me, This Is STUPID, everyone is poly, just so they could write tuggoffelees smut as het sex, mistoffelees is gay, munkustrap and tugger are siblings, not quite a crackfic but close, this is my frustration at all those old fics, tugger is agressively bisexual, where the author made misto female
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-05
Updated: 2020-04-05
Packaged: 2021-03-01 05:08:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23489593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/penny_a_word/pseuds/tuggoffelees-is-canon
Summary: Misto tends to use magic defensively, so if he's surprised or scared he reacts without thinking. This becomes a problem when Tugger decides to jump him.  Chaos ensues, but not much more than usual where the Rum Tum Tugger is involved.
Relationships: Bombalurina/Rum Tum Tugger, Honestly Rum Tum and anyone who cares to pay attention, Mr. Mistoffelees & Rum Tum Tugger, Mr. Mistoffelees/Rum Tum Tugger, nothing explicit happens so everything is referential
Comments: 2
Kudos: 38





	This Is Not My Beautiful Wife

**Author's Note:**

> I finally caved and needed to write something. This is the first longer work that I've written in like, 10 years. Special thanks to my roommate for helping me write.

Mistoffelees had found himself a nice, mostly quiet corner of the junkyard. He resigned himself to practice as many of the tricks he knew first, then move on to something new. He still didn’t really understand the extent of the magic he practiced, but he knew some of the rules of how it seemed to work, so experimentation was his main hobby. For Misto, experimentation consisted mostly of doing random “magic-y bullshit”, nothing fancy, just repeated tests on whatever he could find. He directed his attention to a cockroach and raised his paws, feeling the crackling energy for a moment just as the Rum Tum Tugger’s feet left the ground. Tugger had been lurking for several minutes, watching the smaller cat walk in circles, excited for the chaos he was about to cause. His brilliant plan for the last minute had been to pounce on Misto just as he was magick-ing something, so when he saw the raised paws he leapt without thought. Tugger yowled, Misto cursed, there was a flash of blinding light, and they were both out cold for a whole minute.  
It was Tugger who came to first. He looked at Mistofelees, who was sitting up and rubbing his eyes.

“What happened?”

“I’m not sure. I feel funny.”

“I feel funny too.”

“You sound funny”

“I do no—oooooh. I do.”

Misto, blinking, looked over at the Rum Tum Tugger. Or who should have been the Rum Tum Tugger; if the Rum Tum Tugger had....tittie? This was unprecedented. There was a very clear and obvious change. Tugger was no longer a tom. Misto was suddenly unable to make eye contact. “You complete and utter Capital “B” Buffon. Look what you made me do.”

“Yeah what did I make you do? I feel… top heavy.” Tugger looked down.

“That you are.” said Misto.

“Am I… hairier?”

“No. Not exactly. No.” Still shielding his eyes with his paw.

“Why can’t you look at me?! Did you do something to my face?! MISTO DID YOU DO SOMETHING TO MY FACE?”

“Shhh. You’re still beautiful. Just… differently.”

“DIFFERENTLY?! I NEED TO KNOW WHAT I LOOK LIKE.” Misto rushed to get a mirror. He handed it over sheepishly. “I seem to have… changed... some aspects of your appearance.”

Tugger grabbed the mirror and took a good long look. “Oh my everlasting… I’m a beautiful queen.” She inspected herself all over very intensely, noticing the many things about herself that had suddenly changed.

Misto was still in shock. More shock, maybe. “Oh?” He’d expected another reaction.

“I’m… dare I say, sexier than before?”

“You do dare?”

“... Bomb’s gonna be jealous. I HAVE TO TELL HER.” and she bolted off without another word.

Misto plopped down, a wave of exhaustion hitting, watching Tugger run off to tell the tribe. His mind started spiralling, bringing hundreds of incidents to the forefront of his memory. Oh he’s in it now. He had been doing so well at controlling his magic. He hadn’t made any surprises, hadn’t accidentally on purpose made Alonzo fall flat on his face, or even teleported some utensils in weeks. Everyone was surely going to throw him out for this one. Was it even worth following her into the junkyard? He was sure to be excommunicated. Every single jellicle, with the exception of Tugger herself, apparently, was sure to be furious at his irresponsible use of magic.

While having his little pity party, Munkustrap noticed Misto plopped sadly on the ground. He walked over, curious.

“So uh, ran into Tugger....” Misto bristled, ready to be yelled at. Ready to die at the hands of ‘Big Brother.’ Before he could even open his mouth to explain himself, Munkustrap continued. “I’m impressed you can do something like that, but uh, how did she convince you to do that? Seriously.” He paused for a moment. “How did she convince you to do that?”

“So you aren't going to excommunicate me?” Misto was still on the ground, but very ready to bolt.

“Excommun--what? Why would that--?”

Misto cut him off. “It was an accident. I was practicing some magic and honestly...I was attacked. Rum jumped me, there was a bright flash of light and confusion and then suddenly she was there when I woke up? I accidentally magicked! I swear, I usually have it under control, i was doing so well, but you know when Rum’s around and I-- “

Munkustrap put his paws up-- stopping Misto. “Spare me the intimates, thanks. I know too much about you two anyways. But um, she seems happy. My dear beloved sibling is running around showing anyone who will look—and that’s pretty much everyone—her newfound body. I say no harm no foul.” He shrugged. This was not at all what Mistoffelees expected.

“Same as it ever was, huh? I’m worried though. It’s amusing and fun now but what about when she wants to change back?” This was really the source of his fear. If one swap had happened accidentally, the effort required to affect the change would require practice and purpose. Even the fact that they had knocked out afterwards gave Mistoffelees the idea that it would be no easy feat to change her back.

“If she wants to change back.” Munkustrap gave Misto a reassuring dad-pat on the back. “I’m sure you’ll figure something out. It’s not like she’s going to get into any more trouble than usual in the meantime.”

Misto fidgeted. He hadn't really considered the “if”. What if Tugger wanted to stay in her new body? It was true that it hadn’t seemed to affect her general demeanor at all, but...

Munkustrap sighed and reached out for the poor little cat, offering a reassuring smile. “Come on. Get up. Don’t sulk. Let’s go watch the chaos.” Misto reluctantly took his hand and pulled himself up.

“Maybe she’s making a fool of herself hitting on Bombalurina or something.” Said Munkustrap. Still reluctant, Misto shrugged and followed.

They walked around the junkyard for a full minute before finding the two queens all up in each other’s business. Misto was nonplussed. I wasn’t uncommon for Rum and Bomba to be engaged in some sort of affection. The tuxedo cat questioned why he would even have considered a change in their behavior. He watched them roll around, then turned to Munkustrap and shrugged.

Munkustrap also seemed unimpressed. “Oh. Same as it ever was. I don’t know why I thought it would be any different.” The two immediately began walking away, bored. “I guess I was hoping for something out of the ordinary. Hoping for a change of pace really.”  
Unfortunately, Tugger had noticed them, and she scrambled up from straddling Bombalurina-- who was very displeased about losing her playmate-- to harass them . She plowed through the two toms, settling happily in between them as the three walked together.

“Heeeey big brother! Isn’t it just SO FUN to have a cute little sister? Aren’t I just the sweetest?” She stuck her tongue out, flashing a huge grin.

Munkustrap looked directly through Tugger at Misto. “I really had hoped for a change of pace.”

Pouting, the Rum Tum Tugger was feeling as though she wasn’t getting the attention she deserved. She hung on Munkustrap, who noticed glumly that even as a queen his younger sibling was taller than he was.

“Dad wouldn’t like you being so mean to me. Why aren’t you happy? Everyone else loves it!” Tugger was no more or less whiny than ever. She threw an arm across Munkustrap’s shoulders, leaning her full weight onto him.

Munkustrap didn’t even bother trying to push her off. He knew it would be a futile effort. “Lovely. I’ve always wanted a little sister, I was just hoping for one that wasn’t you.” It wouldn't be long before she would get bored and find a new victim to leech attention from. He just had to tough it out and be as non-reactive as possible.

Misto couldn’t stifle the laughter anymore, and just straight up cackled. Tugger, now more offended, pulled harder on her brother. Munkustrap sighed and stopped walking. “I’m so happy you’re having a good time. I love you. But I am so tired.” It wasn’t a lie.

“It’s noon!”

“Tugger, every moment I spend with you feels like a whole day. This is the fifth consecutive moment I have spent with you; it feels like it’s been a week.”

Munkustrap needed an excuse to leave, The Rum Tum Tugger had more will-power at this moment than normal. He would have to find a way out of following her around all day. Good thing this was Misto’s fault. “....Wait. Did you hear that, Misto?”

Misto had been mulling over the situation again. “what? No I—..”

Munkustrap gave him a Look. A look that said “get me out of here”.

Misto, still not getting it, shook his head. “What do you—?”

“Didn’t I tell you Demeter might be calling for me later. She needed me to do the um...uh..” He ran out of words.

Misto was not picking up on the frantic eyebrow display Munkustrap was trying so hard to communicate by. He was frantically trying to remember any part of their earlier conversation. “Munkustrap I have no memory of this... I have no idea—“

Realizing it was useless to get help from Misto, Munk gave up. “Oh wow there it was again! I better go before she gets mad. Have fun!” In a half whisper he continued with, “Tell me if she does anything Misto. Please keep an eye on her.” He extricated himself from Tugger’s grasp and ran off.

Before Misto could object, Munkustrap was already halfway across the yard. This was absolutely not how he had wanted to spend his day, but he was feeling a bit of guilt still, and resigned himself to the task.

No longer able to lean on her older brother and not interested in chasing him down, Tugger shifted, falling into Mistofelees, who had also already just about had it. “You know I hate that. Stop. Don’t lean on me, Rum. You’re still heavy... You smell better than usual, but that’s not the point.” He huffed, pushing back on the heavy shoulder.

“I don’t care?” She leaned harder.

“That’s nice. How sweet of you.” Misto ducked out of Tugger’s reach, bobbing up on her other side. She rolled her eyes. “Boring.”

“You're boring.” Mistoffelees retorted. It was childish maybe, but they could match each other in pettiness any day.

Tugger opened her mouth to continue but was interrupted by a steadily growing noise. Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer were suddenly careening towards them. Tugger’s open mouth became an open mouthed smile and she braced herself.

“Oh shit.” Was all Misto could mutter before being bowled over by the twins. Jerrie smashed into Misto while Teazer crashed into Tugger. The four cats landed in a heap. Jerrie was up immediately so as to not incur the wrath of Misto, but Teazer did the exact opposite, leaning into the soft chest of the cat she ran into.

“Sorry...” she muttered into Tugger’s chest. “...you have some really nice tits though…” She continued rubbing her head in the fluff on Tugger’s chest.

Tugger gave her a firm pat. “Thanks babe. My ass is real nice too.” She turned around and backed into teaser, who squealed a little.

Teazer knew that voice...that tone. She leaped back, jaw dropping. Mungojerrie meanwhile had had his jaw on the floor for at least the last minute. “Jerrie, that’s Tugger.”

“I know. I’m feeling so many things right now.”

“Me too.”

Tugger reveled in the attention, sliding over to Mungojerrie, who was unable to move. She gently shut his mouth for him before turning her attention back to Teazer. Misto, exasperated, just groaned. He was tired. Both of these idiots clearly still had the hots for new Tugger too, just like Bombalurina. Tugger couldn't help but give the two a sly wink before beginning to trot off, Misto begrudgingly following.

The twins stared for a minute before looking back at each other. “DIBS.” They both said in unison. “JINX!” Again, in unison. Then, without missing a beat “JINX!!!” They said, louder. When they both understood fully that this would not be settled by continuing to scream at each other, they simultaneously decided that the only way this would be solved was physically. They, again simultaneously, pounced on one another and began to tussle.

After a few moments of not walking into anybody, Tugger was getting bored. “Usually I can’t walk around without someone coming to bother me, so how come, now that I want people to notice me, I can’t find anyone!” She was looking at the usual spots. It was true that it seemed like fewer Jellicles were out and about.

“Oh no. What a shame. A pity really.” Misto was remorseless.

“You don't have to be so mean about it.” She looked at him sideways, turning into her shoulder and smoothing her mane.

It was a familiar gesture. “Rum, your pouting didn’t work on me before, why would it now?” Mistoffelees ignored her until she gave up. The two were quiet for a minute.

“I miss my boys.....” Said Tugger.

“Whomst’d’ve?”

“Plato. Pouncival. Tumblebrutus. George.”

“Ah, yes, the boys.”

“I’d even take Alonzo at this point....”

Misto looked off to the side, avoiding the Alonzo conversation. Then, sighing, he saw the last cat he wanted to in that moment. “Speak of the devil. This is so unfortunate.”

Alonzo came swaggering up with Cassandra on his arm.

Cassandra looked Tugger once over, “That’s new.”

Alonzo did the same, “Nice ass.” They continued off in the general direction they had been headed before.

Mistoffelees was surprised. Tugger watched them go, disgusted. Misto was even more surprised by that.

“Isn’t that what you wanted?” He could see no better outcome.

Tugger scoffed. “No! Obviously not! I wanted him to hit on me!”

“Why?”

“So I could turn him down. OBVIOUSLY.”

“Ah, okay. That makes sense.” Tugger and Alonzo never made sense.

Tugger started off again in a huff. Misto really thought hard on turning around and just, walking the other way. But what if Munkustrap got mad? What if Tugger did manage to get in more trouble than usual? Munk had asked him to watch over his sister. He was one of the only cats Misto didn’t have it in his heart to disappoint. He groaned petulantly and followed obediently. It was a good thing too, because the tabby was within sight now, strolling casually, talking to Demeter. Jemima and Victoria were following along a little ways away, chatting separately. Misto’s mood picked up. It wasn't long before they reached each other. “Oh! You found Demeter. Did you do whatever it was you needed to do?”

Munkustrap stared blankly for a moment. “Wh—...Oh. Yeah. Totally. She just uh, needed me. For something.” He had forgotten entirely about his excuse to leave earlier.

Tugger quirked a brow. Mistoffelees had never caught on the first time, and had, in this moment come to the same conclusion as Tugger. The two simultaneously commented, “Oh I see.” and “oh that thing.” Munkustrap had run off to Demeter many times before to do ‘things’. Jemima chimed in with a sad, “Ew.” Victoria and Tugger started to giggle.

Tugger pawed at Misto, “Get it? Do you get it, Misto?” Misto nodded, annoyed.

Munkustrap, suddenly embarrassed, was trying to understand exactly how the conversation turned so quickly. “What? No. That’s not at all what I was getting at!”

Tugger, who was laughing even harder by then, kept pawing at Misto, “Get it? They did it.” Demeter snorted, now unable to hold it in, started laughing along. The only time Munkustrap ever managed to get really flustered was when Tugger made comments about his sex life.

Munkustrap, now with Demeter laughing too, exasperatedly tried to control what had now become a situation “can we not discuss our private life in front of the kittens! Deme, please.”

Mistofelees was about to explode. He scurried over to Munkustrap, and dragged him slightly out of earshot of the kittens and queens. “Fuck, Munkustrap, I can’t. It’s the same. I’m tired.” He had spent the better part of a day following the Rum Tum Tugger around. That wasn’t easy at the best of times.

Munkustrap understood what Misto was getting at. “Same as it ever was.”

“She’s a grown cat! She can handle herself. It’s not even like she can get anyone pregnant anymore. I’m tired of playing chaperone. I don’t see a point.” The only other time The Rum Tum Tugger had ever needed a babysitter was the exception to the rule, usually the cat just did whatever she damn well pleased.

Munkustrap froze. “....can she....get pregnant though?”

Misto shuddered. He hadn’t at all thought about that. “First of all, don’t want to think about it. Second, that’s her problem isn’t it?” She was a grown ass cat.

“Whatever the case, I don't want to have to deal with it.” Munkustrap put on his dad voice. “Please, stick with her, just for today. I’ll figure out something for tomorrow. I’ll......have a talk with her. You won’t have to babysit her too long.”

Misto let out a small, defeated “Fine.”

By this time the queens had turned their attention to the toms’ private conversation. Munkustrap noticed, but didn't care. “Besides, we don’t know how long this will last, right? Could be gone tomorrow, in a couple weeks or until you figure out how to switch her back.”

Misto was unable to think about it. “I’m going to cry. I don't want this.” His face was blank.

Tugger heard the disappointment in Misto’s voice. She huffed and began to walk away again. Misto looked sadly at Munkustrap who gestured for him to follow. Misto threw his head back, let out a groan and followed.

Eventually Tugger forgot to be huffy, and Misto calmed down enough for their pace to slow again. They continued to wander around a little more. After a minute, Tugger found a nice little recess and sat down. She started to groom herself, and after a few moments Misto finally breaks the silence. “As much fun as it is to watch you groom yourself for the seventh time today—“

“First of all. I haven’t groomed myself since lookin’ like this! Number two, it’s only the second time today. Sorry I’m beautiful and all this beauty requires effort. Thank you.” Tugger returned to her mane.

“Do you hear yourself? Do you hear how terribly you put your sentences together?” Misto cringed. That may have been his most hypocritical statement of the day. Tugger didn't seem to care.

“Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful. No one else does.” Tugger gave him a flirtatious smile. She stopped for a minute and stared at Mistoffelees until he looked away.

“Heavyside, I wish I had accidentally turned you into a frog instead. At least you would be less obnoxious than normal.” Misto let himself smile.

“I take offense.”

“You would.”

Before the two could get into it, Skimbleshanks sauntered into view. Misto was ready for anything, at this point. Skimble always gave Tugger some sort of lecture, and Mistoffelees had been there for several of them. The two cats held their breath as Skimble neared them. The tabby cat gave the pair a polite nod as he walked on by. That was it. Tugger was immediately concerned. She yelled after him.

“Hey hey wait. Excuse me, Mr. Railway cat? No cussing under your breath as you walk by me? No disgusted glare in my direction? No scoffing? No snide remarks?” This had never happened before.

Misto nodded. “Are you feeling alright Skimble?”

“Yeah. Why?” He looked genuinely confused, as if he didn’t understand what could’ve possibly gotten into them, he was acting totally normally.

“We all just...assumed you hated Rum for the aforementioned reactions to her usual presence.” Misto stumbled through the words. This was by far the oddest reaction of the day.

Skimble shrugged. “I've never hated little Rum Tum. I've been stern maybe, but...”

Misto was baffled. “How? What? Stern?”

Tugger was experiencing a similar reaction, but being called ‘little rum tum’ really sent her. She bristled.”Skimbleshanks, how many times--”

“--Do you have to tell me not to call you little? I know I know, calm down.” Skimble finished, having heard this speech before. This surprised the other two even more, Usually this would have been the start of a major altercation. “You're a sweet young thing, just a bit rowdy maybe.” He continued.

“She’s exactly the same!” Gasped Misto. Tugger agreed.

Skimble shrugged again. “Dunno, she kind of reminds me of Jenny when she was your age. She and I were wild back in the day. We got into it, alright.” He smiled, wickedly.

The two other cats were immediately looking for an escape route. This was not the Skimble they knew. This was the Skimble that kept talking Munkustrap’s ear off when he sat in on Jenny’s knitting circle (Munkustrap only went if he had really lost his way on a project, Skimble always went to flirt, and the few times they had run ins, both Tugger and Misto heard Munk complain for days). Skimble blocked their path nonchalantly. He started to regale them with stories about his past conquests. This was not the time, Misto had had it with the entire Jellicle tribe. He was going home. Tugger, on the other hand, was immensely curious. It was starting to make sense why it seemed like Skimble hated her usual self. From what she could tell, Skimble had been just like her in his youth. Eventually, Mistoffelees had it, and he bolted right past Skimble, who wasn’t even bothered.

Tugger would have stayed really, but she had a vague concern for the little black cat who had streaked off. She turned and apologized “You’ll have to, uh, tell me those stories later..!” And she walked off with purpose, leaving a confused but accepting Skimble in her wake.

Eventually Tugger caught up to Mistoffelees, who had been panting in the entry of his den. “Time to call it a day huh?”

Misto shrugged. “I guess? I’m exhausted and frankly, a bit overwhelmed.”

Tugger was unsympathetic, usually by the time evening came around, Mistoffelees would drop the attitude and be cute. “Aren’t you going to invite me in? You’re not going to make a lady sleep alone are you?” She rumbled a bit, really playing it up.

Misto hesitated. “Don’t you have at least four other cats to sleep with?”

Tugger frowned. She hadn’t considered this. It explained at least some of the exasperation from Misto all day. “I’m....hurt?” She seemed kind of surprised that she was. “Aren’t I like, special? It’s me..... I thought I would be, I don’t know, an exception?” She moved in closer.

Misto half shrugged. “Go home. I’m happy you’re alright with this. That you’re comfortable. But it’s still my mistake and I need to find a way to magic you back.... In case you want me to.” He genuinely hoped that he could find a way quickly and that she would want to change quickly, but he knew this was selfish. He resigned to content himself either way.

Tugger was still very disappointed. “Okay yeah, sure. I wasn’t expecting anything, not really, but I won’t say I’m not kinda disappointed or anything. I’d have let you be the big spoon.”

Misto rolled his eyes. “Rum, I’m already the big spoon more than half the time.”

Tugger smiled again. “yeah but like, I’ve got more to grab.” Tugger smacked her own ass and was pleasantly surprised by the nice jiggle physics.

Even Misto was impressed. He sighed. “That may be true, but… I don’t know. I’m not… I don’t think I can... It’s not you, it’s me.” He was too tired to care how terrible that sounded.

Tugger came to the realization that there wasn’t anything she could do in that moment to get the attention she wanted from Mistoffelees. “Oh, oh okay. As someone who has said that plenty of times before, I understand the sentiment.“

Misto looked up at her and raised an eyebrow. “Wouldn’t your “boys” be happier to see you right about now anyways?”

“You’re right though...Shoot.” Tugger preened a little. “Those boys won’t know what hit ‘em! I’m still surprised we didn’t come across any of them all day.” She seemed distracted, content for now to run off.

Misto smirked. “Have fun.” Then with deadly seriousness, “Be safe.”

Tugger laughed him off “I know how that works thank you! Bold of you to assume I’m never not safe. You don’t see any brats running around me do you?”

Misto shrugged. “you have a point. I guess I just usually don't have to think about it. When it's us.” He wished there were any way to be less awkward about this particular conversation. “Goodnight Rum. I’ll see you in the morning.”

Tugger started to go but stopped and turned around. She tugged at her mane. “Uh, Quaxo...?”

Misto smiled; his first genuine smile of the day. They looked at each other. “Hm?”

Now Tugger was the one who couldn't make eye contact. She dropped her gaze. “You still uh...big L-word me right?”

Misto couldn't help but laugh. Tugger braced herself. Misto walked up to the taller cat and smooched her nose gently. “Of course I still love you, you big idiot.You’re not mad right?”

Tugger grinned again, suggestively enveloping Mistoffelees.“No, duh. You just don’t like pussy—“

Misto pushed her off gently, in mock disgust and mild embarrassment. “RUM TUM… yeah.”

Tugger stopped, chuckling. “It’s fine! I get it, really. You still big L-word me and I still big L-word you. That’s....really all I need.” She smiled and began to swagger off before changing her mind one last time. “I hope you know I’m still going to want to come over and, I don’t know, cuddle or something?”

Misto grunted. “Ugh, we’ll see, okay?”

“That’s all I need. Promise I won’t let Plato get me pregnant!” She smirked as she turned again, waving to the tux behind her.

Misto, still disgusted, waved back and turned into his den for the night.

\----------------------------------------------

Misto was sound asleep. Peaceful. It had been quite a few months since his magic accident but everything had been alright. Tugger was more than pleased with her new self and well, so was everyone else; that is to say, she was still getting plenty of attention and basking in it all. There was a proverbial bump in the night, and Misto woke with a start. Someone was trying to break in? Misto panicked before he heard a familiar sounding grunt.

“Rum?”

“Fancy meeting you here.”

“This is my house.”

“Oh shoot really? Never would have guessed. it’s not like I used to come over every day.” They both realized how much less time Tugger had spent at Misto’s den.

“What do you want?” He was curious.

“Hear me out. Just let me sleep here with you. Not like fuck you, but sleep with you. Like go to sleep with you there. Like in my presence. Because like—“

“Okay.” Misto interrupted.

“That was easier than expected.”

Misto shrugged. “Do you want to be the big spoon?”

There was a long pause. “...no.”

“As expected.” Mistoffelees began rearranging himself in the tangle of blanket.

“Are you mad?”

He stopped. “It’s two a.m.”

“Okay but...are you mad though?”

“Just—come here.” Mistoffelees patted the space beside him.

Tugger almost too excitedly jumped into the bedding. Misto sighed again and snuggled around her. Tugger purred and snuggled in. Misto was more comfortable than he’d been in a long while, and he drifted off quickly.

Misto woke up slowly to the sun peaking through and birds chirping. He pulled himself out of the corner and realized the bed was otherwise empty. He looked up to see Tugger, who was mad, pacing, and already awake. Misto, immediately afraid, got up pretty quickly. “Rum? How long have you been up? Why are you mad?”

Tugger snapped. “You did nothing.” It was never too early for vast amounts of energy to be wasted in an unwinnable argument.

Misto was very concerned. He had no idea what could have happened in the last few hours that he failed to react to. “What do you mean? I slept pretty good. You were rowdy though. Did you sleep okay?” He was worried he kicked her out of bed for a minute, it had happened before.

“I didn’t want to sleep”

“What?” Misto was only confused for a second before the realization hit.

“I lied okay? Thanks.”

“But you said you wanted to sleep.” There was no real point in being defensive, but Misto couldn’t stop himself.

Tugger groaned. “When do I ever want to just sleep? You’re so unresponsive. No one else has been able to resist it! ONLY YOU”

Misto sighed. Tugger reached the point quicker than he expected. He played dumb. “Sorry? What do you want?”

“I know you don’t like me but I thought you liked me, you know.” She stopped pacing to stare him down. “I did everything. Grind my ass into you. I moaned. I moved your paws around me. You didn’t touch me! You didn’t even touch yourself. I couldn’t believe you wouldn’t do anything at all. You've never been that good at self control.”

“Duh. And? I told you. You said you got it. We had a whole conversation.”

“Yeah but like, I don't like that you don’t want me. I want you to want me. I need you to need me. I love you to love me. I’m begging you to beg me.”

“Please stop singing.” Mistoffelees sighed. He was realizing just how frustrated the lack of his attention specifically made Tugger. He almost felt bad.

Before he could say anything, Tugger interrupted his thoughts. “Change me back.”

Misto wasn't ready for that yet. “What?”

Tugger repeated herself. “Change. Me. Back. I know you figured out how to do it the day after I changed.”  
It was true. The day after the day of the incident Misto spent hours concentrating to repeat the magic, and by the time it was night he had successfully changed and returned two frogs and a mouse. He hadn’t told anyone whether he could or couldn't, electing to say nothing, but resting in the knowledge that he was capable. It wasn't easy. He wondered if Tugger had been watching him again. “Yeah and? I thought you were having fun?”

“I was. I’m also bored. No one else big L-words me like you do. And you don’t big L- word me like this. So I’m ready. I have fewer worries as a tom.”

“No other reason?” Misto was suspicious. It seemed very sudden.

Tugger scoffed. “No, why would you think that?”

“Cassandra told me that a week ago—“

Tugger interrupted him roughly. “Cassandra wasn’t there.”

There was something in the tone of that statement that told Mistoffelees he was better off quiet. “If you’re sure.”

Tugger nodded. Bracing herself, she closed her eyes. Misto raised his paw up to her head.

“Presto!”


End file.
